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I feel so stupid and ashamed... first threesome at age 43! (SERIOUS QUESTION)?
This is not a perv or some idiot troll.. this is what happened, and I am hoping someone my age who has experience in this area can give me some guidance.
I have always had the MMF fantasy... and actually played it out last night. It was not at all what I hoped for. Sorry this is long, just ignore and no rude comments - I am trying to get all my feelings out here...
Background - Divorced mom, casually dating (not exclusive) divorced dad...very new relationship... enjoy each others company and laugh a lot together, actually had a strong friendship element developing in addition to the romance and sex. divorced dad just had his divorce finalized.. we both agree we do not want an exclusive anything right now, but we like each others company and want to do things together (outside of sex - we actually 'date' - he takes me places, he has joined a sport team as a fill in that I am on, etc... and he always pulls his wallet out, even when I offer to split or pay, he opens car doors, ask how I am, etc)...BUT the sex is off the charts too! WE TALKED A FEW WEEKS AGO AND AGREED THIS IS MORE THAN A FWB thing... and he told me he is a lover, not a player and their is a difference... I kind of got that and was feeling pretty respected...and it fits what I want and need in my life at this time (I am a busy, active person with an over scheduled life...so it fits me perfectly - for now though eventually I do want a serious relationship with someone... probably not this guy)...
Lat night, I met one of his close friends for the first time... we went out for cocktails (which is different for me and even us as we normally do dinner, etc not just drinking... and I rarely even drink)... well at said local establishment, lover was acting different, being extremely flirty with a ton of other women, then explaining to me the Halloween costumes make him a little flirty but it never goes anywhere,... I told him its rude to flirt with other women with me around, though when we are not together, this is not exclusive - he can do what he wants... In the meantime his good friend and I ended up talking a lot last night, and drinking, etc... while my lover popped in and out from where we were standing... I felt like, who is this person i have been dating, he is acting like a jerk.
On the way to drop me off, we were a bit flirty and they came in for a nightcap - I ended up flirting and asking them if they were gay.. Lover says a woman only asks that if she wants to see if both guyswould be with her... I said a threesome? and for a few minutes there was hinting around about a threesome and anyhow.. we ended up having one... It sucked! Lover ended up laughing in the middle of it, which cracked the other guy and me up too (did I mention we smoked a joint right beforehand? I know this is wht feel stupid and ashamed...) this is so NOT me at all!!! Plys the behavior when we were out was a turn off, not on... so why did I agree to this? I will neve rknow.
ANyhow, I liked them both as friends... Plus part of my fantasy was the two guys doing it and they would not... I felt a bit like the fantasy was not all I hoped for...
we all ended up kind of passing out separately.. I was woken up this morning by lover who gently said time to wake up, we have to go... I said ok, he gave me a kiss and hug, his friend gave me a hug and they left.
Then buyers remorse set in... I do not feel tricked really, and I agreed to it.. I cannot say I felt used entirely, but it really really bothers me that I did this.. I am 43, not some 20 year old who wants to do all this crazy experimenting... and the sex between lover and I was great... now I wonder if things will change.
We talked today and he said nothing will change and that I am over thinking and that must be 'exhausting'... that really hurt my feelings (no, I am not pmsing nor am I super sensitive.. but this was huge for me - and considering I really like lover - it ws odd for me to look at him while being with his friend). , I feel, I cannot help that I do not do shallow well...he apologized and said he did not mean to sound rude to me - that I am just overthinking...
I just feel in a very weird place... has anyone else ever felt like this in a similar situation... is this normal, your first threesome to feel like this --- or is it because lover was less attentive earlier in the night than his friend was...or I know this sound nuts - but could the whole thing have been a set up from the beginning... Lover and I have talked about fantasies and he knew one of mine were mmf...
I feel like he used to give me butterflies in my tummy, but now all I get is a stomach ache (joke...) but something like that is how I feel!!...
I can and will let this go - but it just happened yesterday... and its still new...
Idiots who do not want to read the whole question - keep your comments to yourself then...nobody is force feeding you the reading or demanding an answer...
Get the answers...
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